your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
