And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
