All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
