i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
