hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
