The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
