I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
