...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
