Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
