We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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