Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
