my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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