In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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