the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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