i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
