and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
