Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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