I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
