One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
