we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
