A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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