Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
