you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
