I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
