so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
