Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
