Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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