I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
