mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
