In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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