Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Little spoons don't ask big questions
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
