4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
