I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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