This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
