I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
