well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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