Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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