Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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