i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
