My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How external is "for external use only"?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
