So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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