what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
