Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
