but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
