I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Found your dick twin last night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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