just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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