i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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