I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i now understand why vodka
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
