Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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