My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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