He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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