I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
