Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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